Insights into Jay Fiondella
Or the many faces of J.R.
Life doesn’t end at retirement, folks. I have a multitude of interests and hobbies. Among them writing, dune buggying, and still banging away at the drums. Though, unlike before, it’s now always accompanied by aches and audible groans. But what can you expect from a body as it pushes into its sixth decade? However, you can’t keep a good man down. I’m still active and productive and always looking forward to my next adventure. Never say die, right?
The following are five of my recently featured articles from my column, The Glass is Half Full, as posted in the Ogemaw Herald Newspaper.
August 31, 2025 – Perspective
We live on a grain of sand orbiting a burning ball of gas. The atmosphere on this rock we call earth shields us from the brutally inhospitable and vast vacuum of space. Earth and our solar system are a small part of a galaxy made up of 200 billion plus stars. It is estimated that there are more than 500 billion galaxies, some with many more stars and planets than our own Milky way. The galaxies are expanding and receding from each other at a rate of 70 kilometers per second—increasing exponentially.
Traveling towards what? Beats me!
Looking up at the star-filled night sky puts things in perspective, or should. It is said that humans are the only inhabitants of earth which are aware of our imminent mortality; yet we waste precious time fretting over things which we truly have little to no control of. Certainly, there are issues in life which are worthy of concern and worry. Life is challenging; however, the ability to discern between the dire and the fickle is the key.
Our perception of things greatly influences our attitudes towards everything and everyone. Some people tend to look at life with a “glass half empty” perception. There is always something within reach to validate angst, however often there are two things even closer within our reach which are overlooked and which can validate happiness and being thankful.
Again, there are obstacles in life, physical, mental, financial, social and otherwise which are worthy of concern. That is, without a doubt, part of life. But if you perceive every molehill as a mountain, it makes it difficult to come up for air. Having a healthy perspective on life’s turbulence can make the flight substantially smoother.
Looking back at earth’s history, humans have dwelled on this planet for a comparably short time. Years ago, I took my children to a science museum in New York. The museum had a 20 foot totem pole with sections representing the various time periods of earth’s past.
A four-foot section represented the 80 million years of the Cretaceous period: two and a half feet for the 64 million years of the Jurassic, one foot for the 37 million years of the Triassic period and so forth. At the very top of the totem pole there was a relatively miniscule section representing the 200,000-some-odd years since the advent of humanity.
The totem pole presented an interesting perspective. What a short time we have been around as a species, and even shorter are our individual lifetimes!
We don’t have time to “sweat the small stuff!”
A good friend of mine shared a very personal story with me: when he was a young teen, his grandfather lay in a hospital bed clinging to life. He and his brothers were in the hospital room when his grandfather weakly gestured for them to gather closer to him. This would prove the final gift of wisdom from their dying grandfather.
He briefly lifted his head and, struggling to speak, he softly whispered, “have fun.”
August 9, 2025 – Swing for the Fence
One of my Granddaughters teasingly says, “I got ice cream, and you didn’t!”
I respond dramatically: “That’s not fair!”
“Poppa Jay, life’s not fair!” I am then informed by a six-year-old. How true.
Despite this harsh reality, we navigate forward trying to avoid the potholes on the roads we travel. During our drive through life, it would be nice to look in the rearview mirror and see no regrets; however, we all see them, wishing we had done this, or not done that.
Since this life is probably the only one we’ll have here on earth, it seems sinful to squander it by not including the pursuit of our hopes and dreams.
Most people choose a “reasonable career” which provides stability and even genuine satisfaction. Others may have less conventional goals which carry with them greater risk and uncertainty.
When someone is passionate about something and it brings them great joy, these should be the fundamental reasons for doing it. Manifesting that something into a career which can sustain us is difficult. Whatever path we choose in life, we should approach our goals with vigor and to the best of our abilities.
When it comes to our aspirations, the grander they are, the more people want to steer us away. Most do it out of genuine concern, trying to guide us to a safer, more realistic path.
Others may call you a foolish dreamer and root for you to fail. Lacking the courage to pursue their own dreams, your failure would serve to validate their decision.
Whether you aspire to be a renowned chef, author, musician, artist, actor, athlete etc., the dedication, practice and sacrifice required in the pursuit of success is daunting.
It is said that people sell their souls for it—if not literally, figuratively. Combining creative passions with commerce is like dancing with the devil across a dancefloor full of judgement, vulnerability and compromise. If your definition of success is strictly based on monetary return, it can diminish the joy found within your passions.
With life not being fair, we don’t always get ice cream. Being good at something does not automatically equate to being famously successful. One’s talent, drive, and perseverance are only part of the equation; the X factor is luck.
When we are young and shy of major responsibilities, it is much easier to swing for the fence. As time passes, it becomes more difficult to solely focus on making our dreams a reality. We must survive and often provide for others; it becomes challenging to maintain the dedication to, and time spent on our pursuits. We must live in the real world whilst we pursue our dreams.
There is no iron clad definition of success. Keeping our passions and dreams alive as we move forward through life is in itself success. No matter how far you hit the ball or even if you strike out swinging, stand proud for having had the guts to enter the batter’s box.
Swing, batter. Swing!
July 19, 2025 – Balance
Life is balance—from the gravitational forces of the sun, earth and moon, the balance of nature and the equilibrium of chemicals within our brain, to the grand quest of balancing our check books. The millions of electrically charged molecules which compose our minds, bodies and everything around us all seek balance.
When something is disproportionate, askew or lopsided, it can and often does lead to problems. Life is finding a balance between living for today and planning for tomorrow. Leaning too far in either direction has consequences. The simplest and the most complex aspects of life require it. We crawl, walk and run all by the grace of balance.
Moderation is essential when striving for balance. Whether it is our physical, psychological, social or financial approaches to life, there can be too much of a good thing.
Things that are good in moderation can be bad in excess. For instance, a healthy diet and exercise is beneficial. However, strict diets and obsessive workouts can be harmful to muscles by not allowing them to heal.
Other examples include having an occasional weekend cocktail versus drinking daily or using moderation in our intake of sweets. But there is no one size fits all approach.
Financial balance requires budgeting and discerning between our needs and our wants. If we spend every dollar on our wants today and do not save something for our future needs, it can make our futures a slippery slope. Tomorrow becomes today in the blink of an eye, and we can be forced to work until the day Mr. Reaper knocks at our door.
Being out of balance can manifest in different ways. For instance, some work fanatically and may also save meticulously but sacrifice leisure and family time in an obsessive pursuit for equity for someday. Many of them are consumed by stress and later look back upon their lives with regret. Balance is an integral component in the blueprint for living our best lives today and tomorrow.
Recognizing the importance of balance is nothing new. Ancient Asian philosophies highlight the significance of yin and yang, representing balance of opposing forces. The Aztecs believed knowledge, truth, value, righteousness and beauty were achieved in finding and maintaining one’s balance. Once attained, one could live in harmony within oneself and with the surrounding world.
How we view and react to others and our environment is deeply influenced by this. Balance in our personal philosophies and perspectives colors our responses to our life experiences: how we deal with anxiety, anger, frustration, and depression.
Some people find and maintain balance easily. However, for others it can be extremely difficult to find and fleeting. Finding some level of it in our lives can determine whether you view life as a glass half full or a glass half empty.”
Keeping a consistent centered perspective can be challenging. I’ve experienced periods of imbalance in my own life and have found that, both metaphorically and literally, without balance, we fall down.
June 26, 2025 – A fool for the city…no more
I grew up in Northford Connecticut, a small rural town about 30 minutes outside of New Haven. Like northern Michigan in many ways, it was a wonderful place to experience childhood.
Once I became a teenager, my love of music and entertainment induced a longing for the excitement, action and opportunities of the big city. The city lights drew me in like a moth to a flame.
Over the years I’ve spent time in many cities: New York, Chicago, St. Louis, Cleveland and of course Detroit. I delighted in the entertainment, food, nightclubs, art, and elevated pulse of city life. I was not unlike the subject of the 1975 song “A Fool for the City” by Foghat.
There is a common saying: “this too shall pass.” Change being part of life, as I approached 40 years of age I began looking for an escape from the chaos of the city and its busy suburbs. Hence, in 1999, I bought our cottage in Lupton.
Suddenly weekends included campfires, family cookouts, days on the lake and cruising through miles of trails in a dune buggy. As time passed the fast pace of city life gradually lost its luster.
Prior to retirement, my life was likened to squeezing 10 pounds (of whatever substance comes to your mind) into a one-pound bag. Although people who know me consider my life, even now, anything but laid back, it has slowed dramatically—even relative to five years ago.
I now purposefully downshift, trying to shake long instilled guilt for doing so.
Now that I live full-time in Northern Michigan, friends often ask me, “how do you like it? How are you handling living UP NORTH?” I answer quite honestly: what’s not to like?
They particularly wonder about how I handle winter. My answer? Winter gives me peaceful seclusion, an environment and time to flex my creative muscle through writing—something I never had time for during my life in Metro Detroit.
I am still tethered to life downstate for many reasons: visiting my daughters, an occasional concert, friends’ gatherings, and my granddaughter’s dance recitals, just to name a few. The three-hour drive each way is hard on my back and can be tiresome.
Driving south of Flint, I sense tension in the air. Navigating becomes more challenging. Speed limits are suggestions, turn signals are for sissies! Everyone is agitated and in a hurry. Open country is replaced by buildings, houses clustered close to one another and overcrowded streets. I’ve got to remember to lock my car. At night there is no quiet, not like here.
Yes, there are restaurants, pharmacies, grocery stores, movie theaters, party stores, and gas stations just around the corner. Still, I prefer a quiet, scenic ride to West Branch over a short drive through Detroit, Downriver, Dearborn, Canton or Troy, especially during rush hour! I guess it’s true: I am a “Fool for the City” no more!
June 5, 2025 – Does Father Time grow faster with age?
Hello, my name is Jay Fiondella.
I am a retired electrician and semi-retired drummer. Since exiting the workforce two years ago, I’ve lived full-time in Lupton.
Although I grew up on the East Coast, I consider myself a Michigander through and through. I moved to metro Detroit in early 1982 at the wee age of 19 to pursue a career as a professional drummer—yes, my parents were thrilled.
Having the confidence of youth, I was convinced I would make it big. It seemed a valid career choice at the time and Detroit (the Home of Rock and Roll) seemed like the perfect place to launch my ascension to musical greatness.
Thankfully at the age of 24 I was accepted into the electrician apprenticeship through the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, IBEW Local 58 in Detroit.
This was a Godsend; left solely to my musical pursuits, my children might have starved.
During my final years working, I kept the pedal to the metal, racing towards the day I wouldn’t have to get up at 5 a.m. Now, I find myself hitting the brakes, desperately trying to slow things down.
At 63, life seems to pass faster with every day, month and year. When I converse with others my age, there seems to be a shared sentiment that time passes more rapidly as we grow older.
Fifty years of drumming and 40 working in construction has left me with some aches and pains. If only the human anatomy had zerk fittings, we could grease our aged joints or oil them like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. The simple act of tying my shoes has become far more challenging, leading me to find new, more ergonomic approaches. I no longer run—I walk.
On the bright side, my grandchildren can taunt me, confident there is no danger of being caught by Poppa Jay.
Many of my friends are retired construction workers and conversations inevitably lead to who has which ailment and who has had this or that procedure or surgery. We quiz each other: did epidural shots help with your back pain? How about cortisone shots for your shoulders? Our PSA numbers have become an omnipresent concern.
I have remained active since retiring. I sometimes wonder how I got anything done when I was still working. I consider myself to be an optimist, looking at life with humor and a hint of sarcasm.
I expected many of the physical issues associated with my age but it has been the annoying cognitive changes which have come as a surprise: forgetting words and sometimes subject matter in the middle of a conversation, failing to recall people’s names, or standing in a room frustrated, having forgotten why I came into the room. While shopping recently, I misplaced the grocery list and after a desperate search, found it, only to realize I had now forgotten where I left the shopping cart.
Just a few of the challenges of my new reality—I’m sure some of you can relate.